We’ve come to the end of my three-part series on the weirdest coworkers in the office and I’d like to think I saved the absolute worst for last.
Rudeness comes in all shapes and sizes, but when said unmannerly person has other quirks which make them a little off, it can be difficult to address it so easily. Then again, there are some people whose weirdness is so off-kilter that being a little kooky turns into being downright obnoxious. With that, let’s bring on the final three weirdos of my three-part series!
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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The great Rocky Balboa once said, “Going in one more round when you don’t think you can, that’s what makes all the difference in life.” Understanding that preaching good manners isn’t the same as getting up from a jab, I am all about putting up a good fight when it comes to battling any unmannerly foe. With that, I’m here for one more round, Rocky! That’s right, folks, we’ve come to the end of my three-part series on the weirdest coworkers in the office and I’d like to think I saved the absolute worst for last.
So, just when you think Maggie and her fidget spinner collection are about to make you twirl out of control, sit back, take a breath, and check out my list of the weirdest coworkers you’ll ever meet. Fidget spinners, Maggie… really?
In my last episode, I talked about the Office Storyteller and Mr./Mrs. Tenure, both of which had grand stories of “way back when” and what worked best in the past. I’m not one to brush off anyone’s ideas, but aside from vinyl records, some things from the bygone days of Corporate America aren’t always relevant today.
One of those instances is the old boss who used to be in charge, yet despite changes in the office hierarchy and their demotion, still acts like they are manning the ship. I call this egotistical office weirdo The Artist Formerly Known as the Boss (we’ll just call them The Artist for now—Prince would have liked it that way. RIP, legend!). The Artist is someone in the office that by way of company expansion, shake-up, or acquisition has been technically relegated, yet still believes they hold the power of the Iron Throne. Big or small, every office has its own Artist walking the halls and unfortunately, many of us have had to put up with their inability to let go of the past and embrace their current status.
Take Sarah from Providence, who works in a large office of two hundred people, which three years ago went through a rather unpopular reorg. I’ve been a part of a similar situation as well and not everyone gets the winning hand dealt to them in a new position. This was the issue with her now former boss, “Trent the Tyrant,” who was essentially two levels above Sarah prior to the reorg. Unfortunately, Trent was dropped down a few levels and good ol’ Trent and his $5,000 suits, constant phone barking, and collection of luxury watches became a parallel role to Sarah.
This dose of reality reminds me of my favorite life lesson quote, as told by my pro wrestling trainer during my rookie year: “The butt you kick on the way up, is the butt you kiss on the way down.” Even though new management made it so Sarah no longer had to work for Trent, apparently he didn’t get that memo. As a result, Trent notoriously parades around the office like he is still on top of the world. This not only affects Sarah but also dozens of other people that watch Trent play boss, despite having zero authority to do so. Trent will ask Sarah (and her colleagues) to schedule meetings for him, purposely show up to meetings five to ten minutes late, and will even ask the summer intern to fetch his coffee on a daily basis. Keep in mind, Trent has NO authority to make any demands in his new role. In fact, he has the same level of bosses as Sarah does now. Still, Trent bullied his bizarre beliefs of status into the ecosystem of the office, clouding the room with negativity and nuttiness.
I understand that accepting a new role in the company which you were not prepared for is difficult (after all, we’ve all been passed up for promotions) but the insane concept that your clout in the office remains the same during a demotion is simply a lack of reality. It’s like a Major League player who is sent down to the Minors and demands his new team pay for The Ritz Carlton rather than the Motel 6 off Highway 9 with the rest of the team. This is not how you play ball in the corporate world and as a result, Trent’s reputation took an incredible dip, and his antics were so strange that several complaints were filed against him. When dealing with The Artist, always remember they’re not in charge any longer and use that as the only reason you need to go about your day disregarding their commands. Don’t let their former place in the company lead you off course. Take the high road, and don’t combat The Artist but rather say things like, “you’re busy,” “you have somewhere to be,” “that’s not your responsibility any longer”—all perfect ways to handle The Artist’s weirdness. You’re not being rude about it but rather just sticking up for yourself and not bowing down to The Artist’s pompous attitude.
In mob movies, they refer to a traitor as a rat, in high school, they’d call you a snitch, and on reality TV they call this person Tom Sandavol. In the office, however, The Warden is a weird, slimly human who believes it’s their job to hold everyone accountable for the most random of actions which no one else cares about. The minute someone is late or messes up, The Warden is quick to take note of said action and hold it in their secret “Folder of Faults” that sits on their desktop just waiting to be filled with another innocuous tale of a coworker’s mistake. The oddest thing about The Warden is that they are not in HR (where most reports go) or were even tasked with this pretend role by management.
Some of the Office Warden’s favorite past times of delivering “hard-hitting” reports about their coworkers on such mundane topics as forgetting to refill the paper in the printer, leaving their coffee mug in the sink (not the dishwasher), or not saying Happy Birthday to someone in the office on their special day. Granted, these things can be rectified rather easily, but being scolded because of a minor infraction like those? Come on now. They wouldn’t even make the worst HR person blink. Here is when The Office Warden is more of a burden than a benefit.
Ironically, The Office Warden isn’t always a person that is necessarily looking for a higher spot in the office food chain but rather enjoys the undefined “power” over others they have created in their minds. With that, you can’t let the faux-managerial ways of The Office Warden get intertwined into the core fabric of the office culture and offset the positive vibe that has developed over years of comradery. When dealing with The Office Warden who gets pure joy in adding people to their naughty list like a super-spy elf, you have two ways to approach their weird and unmannerly behavior. First, you can simply write them off as being odd and bored because The Office Warden is likely lacking a deeper purpose that cannot be fixed by their imaginary position. So, don’t take too much stock in their actions. Yet, if there’s anything you may have done (like, dare I say, unknowingly miss the trashcan with a crumbled piece of paper), remember your position in the company as a respected professional and use it to your advantage.
For example, say something like, “I’m sorry about leaving my mug in the sink. I’ll make sure to place it in the dishwasher next time. Speaking of which, I have to meet NAME OF CLIENT/COWORKER/etc. for coffee to discuss the new project you requested. I’ll have that to you ASAP.” Here you have identified the problem and realized there is a concern but knowing the source, you’re too worried about bigger fish to fry than how many crumbs your bagel may have left in the toaster.
The other way is to get ahead of their complaint before it becomes a greater issue. Talk to management and let them know that The Office Warden is rubbing people the wrong way and you have no intention of upsetting the flow of the office. Along with that, let management know you will happily change any action your boss feels is needed. But until then, you’ll keep your eyes on the road of progress rather than worrying about The Office Warden. That’s not only being an adult professional but also making sure that when The Office Warden writes you up for not returning their stapler, that you can still be in the good grace of the big boss.
I wanted to save my this particular improper—and my favorite—weirdo for last. The Mysterious One takes the cake for being the oddest person you will likely come across in your professional life. In case you’re wondering what The Mysterious One is all about, that’s really where you need to start—what do they do? This tongue twister of a coworker goes in and out of the office like a ninja in the night; no one knows when they got into the office, where they go during lunch, what time they leave, and frankly, what the heck they even do at the office. Similar to The Lone Wolf, The Mysterious One is not only an enigma but makes everyone in the office feel incredibly uncomfortable in their presence. Now, as much as I find the fascination with someone who is able to successfully dodge all responsibility yet still remain employed, The Mysterious One drives me so insanely nuts! I mean, what do they do?!?
Years ago, I worked in a large office building of thousands. On my floor were well over two hundred people that even if you didn’t know, you would happily greet them as they walked by or make comfortable small talk in the elevator. With that, there was one guy in our office that stood out above the rest as being so weird that various people—that did not know each other—had their own nicknames for him. No one ever saw him come or go or even carry a notebook with him which would imply he actually did anything of importance! Yet, he remained a bit of office lore, roaming the building like a shadowy sighting of Big Foot. Now, before you get on me about making too much fun of The Mysterious One, if someone in the office is feared because of their own actions, then yes, they need to be made known with as much humor as you can stomach to get through the day. At work, we’re all in the same boat, working hard as we can (some more than others) to paddle upstream as a team, so if one person is not pulling their own weight, making us go in circles, it’s time to let them go. With that, if the higher-ups are willing to tolerate their unknown role, then it’s not your place to step in. Mannerly people try to be “fixers” because it’s in our nature to want someone to be accepted or appreciated, but when someone isn’t owning up to what they have to do for the greater good of the office, then don’t feel obligated to add their work to your plate. But if you do find out what they actually get paid for, then please let the rest of the team know!