Of course, we have the unmannerly classics (which I’ve touched on), such as the “Nepo Corporate Baby,” “Captain Always Late,” or “The Improper Curser,” but this list will dive deeper into a list of unsavory office characters.
In my tenure as Modern Manners Guy, I like to think I could make a top 1,000 list of the rudest people in the office but I’ve narrowed it down to a three-part series, outlining my favorites… well, least favorites, but you get my drift.
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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In my tenure as Modern Manners Guy, I have great confidence that I could create a list of the Top 1,000 Weirdest People In The Office. However, for the sake of time and to make sure I highlight the truly weirdest of the weird, we’re going to make this a three-episode series, kicking off with three of my favorites… well, least favorites, but you get my drift. Let me make one thing perfectly clear: weird does not always mean rude. After all, I was an Art major in college and one of my classmate’s final projects was a five-foot-tall painting of his girlfriend… using only honey mustard... with his toes. That was a case of weird being quirky. Gross, mind you, but he wasn’t hurting anyone with his mustardy toes. In the office, however, there are some weirdos that cross the line into being downright rude.
Of course, we have the unmannerly classics (which I’ve touched on), such as the “Nepo Corporate Baby,” “Captain Always Late,” or “The Improper Curser,” but this list will dive deeper into a list of unsavory office characters. In fact, members of this list come courtesy of you, the wonderfully polite members of Mannerly Nation, via email and direct conversations. With that, I say thank you… and we are all here to support one another.
So, before you wreck your brain wondering how certain people ever remain employed, check out the first 3 coworkers on my list of the 9 weirdest people you’ll meet in the office.
As someone who spends more hours than I care to count on my cell phone, I’m shocked at how many people still don’t understand how to use a phone properly. And I’m not talking about your elderly grandparent who thinks Siri is an actual person who lives in the phone—I’m talking about everyday coworkers who use the speakerphone feature like a megaphone.
To help illustrate this topic, I am going to refer to Jake from Austin (not State Farm) who said his coworker, Taylor, is constantly holding work and personal conversations on speakerphone, rather than with AirPods or just putting the phone to his ear—you know, like the cavemen did. Not only does Taylor enjoy using his phone as an APB to let everyone in the office know exactly what’s going on in his life, but he takes this act on tour around the office. Taylor walks and talks around the office, in the breakroom, in the kitchen, you name it, just as casual as he would on a solo hike in the park. Ugh, I loathe this kind of person!
To all the Taylors of the corporate world, let me speak for everyone and say, “You’re not that cool. You’re not! Not even close.” I want to make that statement clear because I truly believe that people who blast their conversations via speakerphone are doing it solely for attention. I see this in public as well. Just the other day, I was in line for coffee and someone behind me was blabbing for ten minutes about plans for the weekend as if they were the only one in the coffee shop. Everyone heard them and everyone thought that person was a maniac. What makes The Sultan of the Speakerphone even worse is when they act like they had no idea anyone could hear them. When Jake told Taylor to keep it down, Taylor acted shocked. Taylor was sooooo deep into his call that he hardly realized he was blasting his conversation like a carnival barker asking people “step right up.” The Sultan of the Speakerphone is ALL about ego, plain and simple. They want to be heard, want to be watched, and most of all, need to have everyone’s attention. They’re fueled by people hearing them.
When this disaster of a person parades around the office like they’re the ring-king-king of the ring-rang-room, just remember that everyone is just as fed up with their antics. Now, if the Sultan is your friend or colleague, you must say something to them, for the shear sake of their career. If it comes out too harsh, don’t worry, because you’re doing them a favor. It’s like when you see someone with a booger in their nose—you should always let them know, rather than let them walk around with it all day. Don’t make it a public display, but surely let them be aware of their behavior.
On the flip side, if the Sultan is your boss—which can be tough—I recommend leaving an anonymous note on their desk (typed, not printed). Say something very gentle such as, “I have always admired how you get work done but I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking your calls off speakerphone. I’ve had clients mention the background noise during my meetings and I just want to make sure there are not distractions.” Here, you’ve complimented them but also helped them in a well possibly reputation damaging act.
In either case, someone has to step up to allow the Sultan of the Speakerphone know their weirdness is coming off as a discredit to their character. If you can’t do it, I recommend pinging HR to have them handle the dirty work.
One of my all time favorite Saturday Night Live skits was “The Whiners on an Airplane,” where a man and woman walked onto a plane and whined in a nasally childish manner about every little detail. In my last episode, I discussed all sorts of rudeness I’ve witnessed on planes but unfortunately The Whiner does not hold themselves strictly to travel. The Whiner is a long-standing character in the office, with their actions sometimes having a trickle down effect throughout the company culture. The Whiner makes their dissatisfaction known loudly and obnoxiously clear with every complaint, spreading their negativity faster than mono at a college spring break bar (if you know, you know).
Oh, Whiner, what are we going to do with you? Well, for starters we must politely—but sternly—let The Whiner know they’re ruining the vibe. Admittedly, this can be a tough conversation because well, The Whiner will likely complain about your opinion as well!
The Whiner is different than other unmannerly weirdos in the office because The Whiner’s sole purpose is to make people feel for them. That’s all. They don’t care if others have problems but instead only concentrate on their own selfishness. Sure, The Sultan of The Speakerphone wants everyone to stroke their ego, but The Whiner wants pity and babying. Even if you do give them attention, it will never be good enough. As “delicate” as The Whiner may appear, the proper thing to do is not pamper to their every complaint. For this case, I offer the comedic route to let The Whiner aware of their actions. As you hopefully gathered, I like to use humor in pretty much every aspect of my life and this includes when I’m trying to prove a point with someone without coming across as too aggressive… even though I may want to.
A Whiner situation arose with Pam from Denver who said her coworker Eric was constantly complaining about every little thing in the office; emails, meetings, office retreats, and even when Pam brought in cake she baked for a coworker’s birthday. Eric said, “Whipped cream frosting? Um, I don’t like whipped cream frosting, I like buttercream frosting. I wish there was buttercream frosting instead.” For the record, I actually agree with Eric’s taste (whipped cream frosting is a waste of calories) but I would never EVER complain about it out loud, especially about a cake someone baked for someone else’s birthday. So, the next time there was an office party, Pam was sure that Eric would say something. Eric walked into the conference room for a coworker’s bridal shower and the second Pam saw his eyes waver at the sugar free snacks, she put her arm around him, smiled and said, “Let me guess, you don’t like sugar free candy, do you? Or, fruit salad with oranges? Or, let me guess, pigs in a blanket?” Pam then pulled him in for a hug and said, “It’s okay, Eric, we all know you weren’t going to loooove the selection here. But, hey we’re trying, big guy so just go along with it.”
Here, Pam didn’t scold Eric for his inability to control his whiny outbursts but rather pointed out that she “understands” him and dare I say, “accepts him.” From then on, whenever Eric started to whine, Pam and others jokingly—and in good nature—began to playfully rag on him about his complaints before he had a chance to. It became a little “thing” that Eric could laugh at and eventually realized that his negative behavior had a greater effect on everyone around him.
The Office Parent is someone who has good intentions on paper—yet their delivery continually makes their attempts to be “helpful” as downright annoying. Now, before you come after me about not wanting someone’s assistance from time to time, The Office Parent knows darn well that what they’re really trying to say is, “I know better” and they will go to all ends to make it known.
Allow me to point out an example from my own past. When I was just starting out in my career, as a budding 22-year-old, working with people more than twice my age, one coworker in particular liked to treat me like one of their kids. Not in a good way either. Not like their favorite child who they’d compliment but rather like a child who would never live up to their potential. Whenever I would share my opinion or support an argument in a meeting, this person would say, “Hey, quiet over there—I have kids your age,” then added a cringey laugh. She thought she was hilarious but I thought she was demeaning. Comments about my age and about how things were different “back in the day” was a regular statement for her. Keep in mind, this person was only in their mid-forties (so not “old” at all) and their kids where not my age, but rather teenagers. Still, The Office Parent made it her mission to treat me and other “youngin’s” in the office as her own pet project.
When you’re dealing with a veteran in the office and someone who likely outranks you, it can be very hard to be outspoken towards their behavior. After all, we can all say we want to stand up for yourself but when someone holds power over you, in any manner, it’s very hard to call them out on their stuff. I fell victim to this as well; I took it on the chin, until I couldn’t any longer. After several months of tolerating her overbearing demeanor, I first brought it up to my boss. I said, “I don’t want to make a big deal of out of this but don’t you find it weird when NAME always makes ‘young jokes’ about me?” Ironically, my boss did and she felt terrible that I felt that way. I then told her I didn’t want her to bring it up, rather, I would mention it. My boss gave me good advice to be gentle but honest. So, one day, while walking down the hall with this person to a meeting with an outside vendor, I flat out told them it bothered me, yet added a smile and a calm voice. I didn’t yell, I didn’t whine, and I kept my poise. I vividly remember the conversation to this day. I said, “Look, I know you like to kid with me about being your son’s age, but I don’t want anyone to think I’m that new, you know? I love to laugh about me being the youngest one in the group, but can we not bring that up in meetings?”
I remember her face and feeling embarrassed, but then again, I earned respect by speaking up. She knew I was right and in the end, I wasn’t being rude for simply expressing my frustration—as politely as possible of course. In the end, her weirdness was meant to be friendly, but as much as I love me a good ol’ weirdo, I was more worried about respect than faux-parental lessons.