Apparently, it’s death, taxes, and sports parents vicariously living their childish fantasies that are the only guarantees in life.
Nothing says, “Have fun and try your best” better than an insanely rude parent demanding excellence from their nine-year-old athlete on Sunday afternoon at their soccer game.
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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After part one of the rudest sport parents, I received a ton of comments regarding youth sports war stories witnessed by Mannerly Nation. People from all areas of sport, various age ranges, and different levels of youth sports all said the same: rude sports parents are inevitable. Yes—apparently, it’s death, taxes, and sports parents vicariously living their childish fantasies that are the only guarantees in life. After all, nothing says, “Have fun and try your best” better than a ridiculous parent scolding their child like Bobby Knight shouting expletives at his basketball players.
So, before you strap your boots on for the youth sports battlefield, check out my list of 7 of the Rudest Sports Parents—Part 2. And please, don’t make me have to do a part 3. Please.
In Part 1 of rudest sports parents, I outlined examples of the egotistical mindset of the “Once Great” parent as someone who can’t quite let go of the good ol’ days. This is the over-the-hill parent who believes their time under the glistening Friday night lights never ended.
What could be worse than the parent who can’t accept they work a 9-5 and don’t get to lace it up on the weekends? It’s the obnoxious cousin to the Once Great parent, the Dressed Like the Player parent. We’ve all seen this rather sporty enthusiast pacing the sidelines of their child’s game with the same intensity as a Rottweiler patrolling a junkyard. This is the parent who is dressed head to toe as if they’re getting the call in from the coach at any time to join the team. It’s as if the Dressed Like the Player parent has some delusion that if they look the part, they’ll get the part. Nothing could be further from the truth. In a distorted version of stolen valor, the Dressed Like the Player parent is hoping to pass themselves off as a legitimate trusted advisor due to the fact they look like a college scout.
The hopes of the Dressed Like the Player parent can play with your mind too. I mean, there you are, watching your ten-year-old freeze their buns off on a chilly December soccer field when a rather impressive figure stands with their hands on their hips like a superhero dressed by Dick’s Sporting Goods. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “Wow, that parent must be someone important. Maybe they own the team? Are they from Sports Illustrated?”… but you’d be wrong. They just have a high credit card limit, which they maxed out at the team’s online fan shop.
The rude Dressed Like the Player parent begs for admiration as shown in their head-to-toe spirit wear, solely intended to make sure everyone in attendance knows—or believes—that they belong. More like belong on stage because they are giving the performance of a lifetime. They don’t care about their child’s development; they’re still living in a time when they were on the field and they got the victory. So sad.
Like the Sideline Coach parent from part one, the Dressed Like the Player parent’s rude desire to dress like a life-size cutout of the team store is only to further their mission to pull one over on the other parents. The Dressed Like the Player parent wants the attention for themselves as some sort of “thought leader” to fool people into believing they have some sort of authority. Sadly for the Dressed Like the Player parent, they, like everyone else on the sideline, are just a fan… albeit a super-fan. That I’ll give them.
Since the dawn of youth sports, there has always been the “What About My Kid?” parent to cast an unmannerly and uncomfortable shadow over the whole team due to their constant complaining regarding their child’s playing time. In my tenure as a multiple sports parent, I’ve had to watch my kids play less than others. It wasn’t fun for them or me and I felt even worse than they did because it breaks a parent’s heart to watch their kid get upset. So, I get it. I do. However, the one thing I never did was make my child center stage for garnering any more attention than required. Yes, playing time should be fair across the board but sometimes some kids aren’t as advanced as others. That’s sports! It was a hard lesson to learn, but I told my kids that if they wanted to play more, they had to work for it because that’s sports. However, not everyone agrees with my philosophy, as with the “What About My Kid?” parent who makes sure everyone on the team—parents, coaches, other players—know that they are fed up.
Of all the many lessons I’ve learned as a sports parent, one thing for sure is that no coach in the history of athletics enjoys dealing with the intolerable antics of the “What About My Kid?” parent. In fact, I’ll bet my life on the fact that no coach ever thanked a parent for telling them how to run the team or how guilty the coach should feel for ruining the “What About My Kid?” parent’s child’s athletic future.
In fact, the “What About My Kid?” parent’s ego is so toxic that they can’t even grasp the concept that their selfish request to make their child more important results in robbing another more deserving child of the rightful chance to play. Like I said before, I believe that in youth sports everyone who signs up should play, but I also believe that giving free passes to an undeserving child will only create unfit adults who think shouting the loudest means they’ll always get their way. What’s even worse is it’s setting up another generation of “What About My Kid?” parents to ruin the game for everyone else involved.
As a result of the “What About My Kid?” parent advocating solely for the sake of their child, they will isolate themselves from the other parents. I’ve seen it firsthand and without fail it makes for an incredibly uncomfortable environment for the entire team. The other parents know the “What About My Kid?” parent is complaining, and the kids will as well, which makes that parent’s kid feel bad too. When the “What About My Kid?” parent starts to poke their entitled nose into the coach’s business, the best way to handle them is to not even budge the slightest. Take their comment to heart, thank them for their opinions, and continue to run the team the proper way.
Realizing that there will always be a “What About My Kid?” parent or parents in the crowd, the best way to get a jump on their rude behavior is for the coach to announce that the coach is the only one who has the right to coach. Don’t indulge the “What About My Kid?” parent’s requests, their complaints, their chirping, you name it. Nine times out of ten, the “What About My Kid?” parent will usually leave the team for another team where their complaints might be heard, so don’t feel like you have to empathize with their demands for too long.
For my son’s soccer and lacrosse team, the parents chipped in for a high-tech camera that records and streams the games in real-time. This form of technology is so good that it picks up a lot of the chatter on the sidelines—the good and bad. I learned this the hard way when my wife texted me midgame from home to tell me that she could hear my loud laugh over everyone else on the stream. Yes, I laugh loudly. Guilty. Who cares? It’s laughter!
Thankfully, I wasn’t giggling at an inappropriate joke that could have been overheard (which has happened). Still, even though I get pumped for the games (usually from the rounds of coffee I chug for a weekend-long tournament), I always keep my cheering positive and appropriate. That is not always the case for some sports parents, such as the Overhyped Parent, who arrives at games painted head to toe in the team colors like some drunk frat kid for a college football game. I, and the other normal parents, keep it classy while celebrating, unlike that Overhyped Parent who acts like they just shotgunned a dozen Red Bulls in the parking lot.
As colorful as the Overhyped Parent can be, they aren’t necessarily a bad person per se… just a bit much. Their enthusiasm often has the opposite of the intended effect—instead of encouraging, it’s just… a lot. I’ve met many, many, MANY Overhyped Parents throughout the years, and in every situation, I found this person to be too stressful to be around. That stress is also felt by the kids too. When the Overhyped Parent screams, they put their entire body into it and tend to forget that the kids are watching the sidelines too. So, when the players see an enraged Overhyped Parent acting like a UFC fighter walking into the octagon, the players feel even more pressure to perform.
The Overhyped Parent unquestionably becomes a distraction to the game and an attraction for the other team to mock. And trust me, when you see one parent on another team acting like a drunk college kid, you can’t help but paint the entire team with that same brush. I recommend the Team Parent having a little sidebar with the Overhyped Parent regarding their level of passion for the team. I also recommend whoever is the closest friend to the Overhyped Parent also field a quick lesson on what is proper cheering to the Overhyped Parent, to double up efforts. Again, be happy for your kids, get excited, and show your team spirit, but don’t make it look like you’re one more “Go get ‘em!” away from a heart attack.
In Part 1 of this series, I talked about rude sports parents who bring a volatile nature to the games, which can have detrimental results on the team as a whole. For example, if a parent argues with the ref, that parent can not only be kicked out, but the team can be penalized (even fined). Also, in the unfortunate event that opposing parents get into an altercation, the entire game can be canceled. This one is my biggest gripe, because as a parent who is literally planning for a three-hour car ride and a two-night hotel stay for my son’s soccer tournament this weekend, NO ONE will be happy with the person who gets a game canceled due to negative behavior.
In every case of extreme sports parenting gone wrong, the Let’s Bring It parent is the one ready to throw down from the jump. Like the Overhyped Parent who resembles Hulk Hogan ripping off his shirt at WrestleMania, the Let’s Bring It Parent also carries a high level of bravado but with incredibly risky outcomes. Whereas the Overhyped Parent can’t control their innocent excitement, the Let’s Bring It parent is looking for a fight. They want to bring it to the opposing parents and take pride in the fact they won’t let anyone mess with their team. The Let’s Bring It parent is like the poor man’s European soccer hooligan who takes it upon themselves—and looks like a complete idiot while doing so—to be the team bodyguard.
Like hooliganism—which is the absolute worst level of fandom possible—the Let’s Bring It parent is a walking bottle rocket waiting to pop off at any time. The Let’s Bring It parent wants the altercation to the point they get mad when no one challenges them. In fact, I’ve heard a Let’s Bring It Parent tell me, “I was waiting for those loudmouth parents to say something, man. I was ready for it!” Really? Ready for what? To fight some random parent you never met and will never see again… at a frickin’ youth sports game? Do you think I think that’s impressive?
No one wants to see that, and no one will congratulate the Let’s Bring It parent for “supporting our team” by acting like a thug. As much as I believe I can tolerate any level of sports parent, the Let’s Bring It parent is not only an embarrassment but someone who should not be around kids at all. After all, the Let’s Bring It parent is one “What did you say?!?” away from being not only kicked out, but banned from all games, and possibly arrested. Yes, I’ve seen that as well. There are not many things I can say I hate in this world but the Let’s Bring It Parent is one of them.
I am pretty sure every team parent must sign a Code of Conduct form when they sign up their child (even if they just scrolled to the bottom and pressed AGREE), as if we all need a reminder of what not to do. But from the beginning, any parent that even threatens to use violence, let alone in front of kids, should never be at a game. Ever. Just the notion! This is a one strike and you’re out ruling in my book. And to the Let’s Bring It Parents out there, no one is impressed. If you can’t keep your aggression under wraps during a youth game then you may want to stick to an athletic event that’s a little more soothing such as chess, baton twirling, or yoga.
Namaste, Let’s Bring It Parent. Namaste.