Modern Manners Guy Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life

3 things never to write or say in a work text

Episode Summary

Lacking the impact of a voice, your text can often be misconstrued due to misinterpretation, especially when it comes to work texts.

Episode Notes

The invention of texting made quick communication with work colleagues without having to truly interact with them the norm. However, how many times have you sent a text and then realized you should have double-checked what you typed before pressing send? 

Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.

Have an etiquette question? Email Richie at manners@quickanddirtytips.com.

Modern Manners Guy is a part of Quick and Dirty Tips.

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Episode Transcription

Texting is a great way to communicate… if you prefer to not actually engage that is. I hate texting and despise the fact that it’s somehow become the preference for people to connect, regardless of the topic. From personal life to business, how has texting taken the number one spot as a preferred method of conversation rather than a person’s voice? I guess speaking got too easy and we figured, “Hey, let’s go back to typing instead.” Makes sense.

Not only is texting the root of most of my headaches, but it also lacks the proper tone of a natural conversation. Lacking the impact of a voice, your text can often be misconstrued due to misinterpretation, especially when it comes to work texts (which include Slack, Gchat, Teams, etc.). You must be extra careful with your delivery. So, before you press send and then realize you may have just ruined your career, check out my 3 Things to Never Write or Say in a Work Text:

Tip #1: Remember, Tone is Everything

I can only imagine how pumped the world was when Alexander Graham Bell gave us the telephone. It changed the game—no more typing, no more writing, you finally get to speak to someone, rather than waiting weeks for a reply. Then, a hundred and fifty years later, texting came into the picture and suddenly the world thought, “Yes! Finally, a way to make it more complicated to communicate! Who needs to speak anymore?” Texting may be fast but it’s not always accurate. For example, I can easily call my coworker, Steve, and ask them when I can expect a document I’ve been waiting two days for or I can text. One is immediate and one is questionable. Guess which one I prefer? With a call, Steve answers me right away. With a text, Steve can hide. As a result, you get mad at Steve for not replying to your text, and as the minutes go by, your temper starts to boil. Finally, you break. So, you flex your keyboard muscles and fire off another text that doesn’t hold the proper tone you may have hoped for. 

For the record, every single person that has ever texted someone has utilized the safety net of a phone screen to do the talking for them. It’s easier, and you can say what you want without truly raising your voice. With that, the tone of your text can say a lot more than just what you typed. For example, “WHERE IS MY DOCUMENT STEVE!” probably says how you feel… but isn’t the most proper way to go about it. Even if you try to dial back the tension like, “Steve, it’s been TWO days!”, it still will never work back in your favor. You’ll forever be known as “The Text Yeller.” Here’s the deal—Steve knows he messed up and he either needs help on it or is doing what he can without having to ask for help. That is the nature of people whose egos get in the way of their jobs. Keeping that in mind, a proper text should show the importance of the message but also have a tie-in at the end. Rather than scold Steve with several exclamation marks, try this: “Hey Steve, I really need to get the document out by 12. If you need help or more time, I need to know and I can make some adjustments. Please call me by 11 at the latest. Thanks again.” Maybe some will call that too soft but Steve knows he’s in trouble and you yelling at him does no good. Now IF a document/project/etc. is that important, then you should not be texting about it anyway. Give Mr. Bell the due credit and simply call the person.

Tip #2: Instant Messenger Rants

The text message’s evil brothers are instant messaging apps, such as Slack, GChat, Wickr, Microsoft Teams, and so on. Both texting and instant messaging are cut from the same cloth of quick action and little thought. Whatever instant messenger your company prefers, the one thing your boss would not like to see is a messaging battle royal between different employees. For starters, many (not all) of the messaging tools keep records of conversations. I asked a senior IT security friend of mine and he said, “Although your office doesn’t watch you like Big Brother, if there is an issue, they have the ability to pull the logs.” With that being said, if you decide to go toe to toe with a coworker on a messaging application and it gets too dicey, remember that your office has the receipts. Not all instant messenger conversations have to be arguments to make someone forget office etiquette but regardless of the context if you don’t want to say it out loud, don’t type it. 

Side note: that also means that if you’re complaining about your boss, a client, or the company, those messages might come out during an unrelated investigation. Better to keep that kind of talk outside of your company’s messaging platforms.

Even worse than typing a text and pressing send too quick in instant messaging someone rapid fire responses like you’re working a switchboard operator from the 1940s. One moment you’re at your desk working away and then DING, a message pops up, then another, then you’re on a chain, and then all your wires get crossed. So, while you’re messaging Madilyn about the 1:00 and at the same time listening to Cole shout about the 11:00, things can get tricky real quick. With instant messenger, it’s never proper to ping someone non-stop just because you know they’re in the office. Along with that, for the passive-aggressive coworkers who know you’re away from your desk but keep messaging you, there is a special area of karma I’m pretty sure you just carved out for yourself. That’s just spiteful and trying to stir the pot. Yes, instant messaging is instant but that doesn’t mean it gets to be the only voice your workers know you by.

Tip #3: Improper Emojis and GIFs

You know who loves emojis? Kids do. Not a coworker who is on deadline, texts you about their stress, and you reply with a sad face emoji. That’s right, their world is falling apart but you found it suitable to offer nothing more than a lame emoji. And what about when people use random GIFs or memes to show their emotions? For example, my friends Mike and Joe had been working on a project for two weeks when Joe decided to take a long weekend to go skiing. Now, the team of two became the team of one with a deadline closing in, leaving Mike holding down the fort and trying to pull off a miracle. Mike texted Joe requesting thirty minutes for a call later that day. Rather than being a reliable coworker, Joe texted Mike a GIF of a toddler in a diaper waving his finger back and forth with “NO!” in bold white letters. So much for, “teamwork makes the dream work,” right? 

As much as I loathe texting, I do like a good GIF or meme to add an extra punchline to a joke. However, I make sure to know my audience before selecting said image and sending it. So, when I speak of audience—your coworkers may not always get your sense of humor, especially when it’s clear that they’re frustrated. As a satirist, I love making light of a situation to diffuse the tension but when it’s a serious topic, like work/deadlines/stress, leave the funny business for another time. The same thing goes for text chains in the office—not everyone will see your witty personality as necessary 24/7, so don’t be the weak—and rude—link in the group.