Before you get ready to whip out that company credit card and charge it like a toddler at a Disney World gift store, check out my 3 rules for splitting a business meeting check.
Whenever you dine out for business, the splitting of the check always makes people worry the proper way to handle the end of a meal. Have no fear, because I’ll guide you on the clear-cut steps for a mannerly experience.
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
Have an etiquette question? Email Richie at manners@quickanddirtytips.com.
Modern Manners Guy is a part of Quick and Dirty Tips.
Links:
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/subscribe
https://www.facebook.com/ModernMannersGuy
http://www.richiefrieman.com/
In a previous episode, I mentioned my “Mt. Rushmore of Etiquette Topics”, and improperly splitting the bill is surely one of them. One major area where rude bill splitters pop up is during business meals. I’ll never forget when work lunches started to become a daily experience for me. Sadly, that memory is clouded by the old, unused pants in my closet that haven’t fit for years, due to knocking off as many Yelp recommendations as I could in a single week. So, yeah, I indulged a little more than I should have but who can blame me? Dining out for business is a blast! Eat, drink, and fill yourself with adrenaline at the idea of working with someone you like. And, there’s the tiny, little detail of getting to be out of the office for a couple of hours. Just a slight perk of a work meeting.
But despite toasting over a great meeting, the question of who will pay and how much is as consistent as someone asking, “Is that your water or mine?” So, before you get ready to whip out that company credit card and charge it like a toddler at a Disney World gift store, check out my 3 Rules For Splitting a Business Meeting Check.
In the dating world, there is a debate about who should pay for the meal, drink, etc. when you first go out. Is it the person who asked the other out? What if you were set up and no one really asked the other to dinner? Or, what if the date is going so awful, there’s a 110% chance you’ll never see this person again so who cares, just as long as you can get the heck out of there as fast as possible?
The correlation between the dating world and business meals is much closer than you’d expect. For example, Person A wants to do business with Person B and has invited Person B to lunch, with the intention of doing just that. Person B ordered what they wanted, thinking nothing of it. Then the check comes and WHAMO—the numbers to the left side of the decimal are a lot higher than you anticipated. Now, Person A doesn’t want to make Person B think they’re cheap—then again, with a bill like this, Person A may be eating ramen noodles until their next payday. I for one have been in this predicament before so I feel your pain (and it was at that moment when my love for ramen began).
Folks, I don’t care how well off you are but when you get a fat bill at the end of the night, everyone does a little soul-searching. With a business meal, however, when you’re the asker, it’s always proper to pay, just as you planned the entire time. Think about it this way: you requested for this person’s time, which they did not have to give you. They also rearranged their calendar to meet when you wanted, and likely at a place of your choosing. Bottom line, you may be the low person on the food chain (no pun intended… okay, well kinda), but as the person who is clearly wanting something more from the other party, you’re in the courting phase of the relationship. As you would with dating, you want to make a good first impression, and that starts with treating them since you initiated the relationship. Now, as for the next meeting—I’d stick to a coffee instead.
I want to make sure that I am perfectly clear on my stance with splitting the check in a group: I WILL NOT pay for the $200 bottle of wine, top-shelf liquor, or Wagyu steak with gold flakes sprinkled on top that SOMEONE ELSE ordered. Not only do I say something at the time of the bill but I don’t care if I get some eye rolls as well. I ask you, who in this situation is rude? Me for seeing it fair that someone pay for their portion, or someone else who thinks you should pay for their indulgence? If you doubt me, take a simple coffee meeting; your coffee is $3.50 and their Venti Mocha Cookie Crumble with extra whip cream, and shaved chocolate from Godiva’s hidden stash, is the same as your phone bill. Are you splitting it evenly? NO WAY! So why must you feel obligated to do so at a work meeting where someone treated your expense account like an all-you-can-eat, no holds barred extravaganza? Whether you organized the business meal or you’re just along for the ride, it’s HIGHLY improper to think anyone else other than the splurger should be paying for the splurge.
To further illustrate my disgust for a bill-splitting epidemic of the very rude, the only way to look at someone expecting others to pay for their large expense is that person being a stone-cold jerk. Now, now, now, I know it’s improper to call someone names but when someone is deserving of such a title, you don’t have to say it, just think it. In this case, you—the person(s)—having to pony up more than they should is in fact being used, plain and simple. So, how do you handle this dining conundrum when you don’t want to make it a big issue for a business meeting? Here are two ways I prefer.
First, is the easier and more stealth way. Once you realize your soup and sandwich are going to be trumped by an 18-pound lobster and the rarest bottle of wine Spain has to offer, you excuse yourself and track down the waiter/waitress. You call in a favor and ask them to bring separate checks and notate where the large purchases go. Let them know you’ll happily tip them extra for their discreteness for doing so. Honestly, they’ll probably support this effort. Now, you don’t have to worry about who covers what and the one who ordered as if it’s their last meal will hopefully chip in more for their portion.
Secondly—and I know this can be awkward—you speak up for yourself and others at the table who obviously ordered less. Trust me, in a group setting, you’re not alone in the frustration. With that, I always like to add a little humor to lighten the tone of the topic. Look at the check and try this: “Hey Kenny, the waiter wrote a note congratulating you for ordering the most items out of anyone all week.” Smile, laugh, make it light, and see what they do, followed by, “Okay, so everyone put in their credit cards, while Kenny runs to the bank to get a second mortgage, so he can pay for his portion.”
With these tactics, you’re instilling the fact that you can’t be taken advantage of and set the precedence for next time. Now, if you think Captain Splurgetastic will think you are the rude one for you not paying their portion, then you must to come to terms with that individual being someone who will never truly have your back—in business, and in friendship.
When it comes to dining in the work environment, if you’re lucky, you become good friends with coworkers, your boss, and clients, making work not seem like work 24/7. One way to really tell how tight you are with someone work related is how much you end up not talking about work. Sure, you were supposed to be meeting over a new project but instead you end up debating who has better shows, Netflix or Amazon, for two hours? Oh, and let’s not forget Apple TV or Hulu. Wait, wait, Paramount+ with the whole Yellowstone franchise is unreal! Okay, never mind, I got off topic. See, what I mean? When you have an easygoing relationship—even when you were brought together by business—many times this is said when the bill comes: “Don’t worry, I got this… You grab the next one.” When this occurs it’s a clear gesture of friendship and trust. First, it shows that the person enjoys your time so much they have no problem treating on their own dime, but it also shows that there will be a next time soon... but when and where?
As someone who loves to treat others when I’m out, I do so with no intention of being “taken care of next time.” Having been on the other end of this exact business dining issue, where someone is happy to pay for me, I always feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel weird because they offered but I feel guilty about when and where the next time will be? What if “next time” is for $1 slice at a street vendor? Does that count? Am I supposed to keep the tab going until we both feel the gratitude is paid up? Or, what if “next time” is in two or more months, when business calls for that meeting? Do I go back to the original receipt?
When it comes to taking turns, the first thing you do is always accept the gesture. It’s rude to tell someone they can’t or shouldn’t treat you because you insist on paying. When I want to treat someone, it’s because I truly—in my heart of hearts—feel excited to do so. With this situation, when there is no way to get out of it, I always insist on adding the tip. You’re not trying to “be even,” rather just being polite. If they counter with another no, then you let it go. Don’t end a meeting by harping on their kindness. At least you offered. Secondly, if someone pays and you do plan on locking down another time for “your turn,” take that as your job to follow up and plan that date. Pick a place, talk it up, and make sure they’re free. Whether it’s the next day or the next quarter, you are in charge of keeping the meeting in place. Remember you’re not doing this out of obligation, but rather out of kindness.
Ah, kindness… a small concept that can go a long way in business.