“Can you see me? Okay, what about now? No? Hmm, interesting… I could have sworn I upgraded the software."
The luxury of being able to video conference from anywhere in the world, at any time, has allowed coworkers to catch up at a moment’s notice. Despite video conferencing becoming an integral part of the work, there are STILL some people who can’t quite figure it out. “YOU’RE ON MUTE, WALTER! Press the button with the microphone! Okay, now press it again.”
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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I like to consider myself a rather tech-savvy individual, yet I’m by no means on the starting lineup of the local Geek Squad. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even make it on their practice squad. But there is a big difference between not being able to install a flat-screen TV and being incapable of using a video conference app like Zoom. Still, some people—despite the endless hours they’ve clocked on video conferencing over the past two years alone—still haven’t mastered the simple art of pressing a button and speaking into their computer. I know, I know, I know—I shouldn’t be so harsh against the technologically inept… buuuut come on, Walter, it’s been two years already. No one wants to see up your nose or your dog licking themselves in the background, and we should not have to remind you you’re on mute more than once. Once! Just one time is all you need for you to quickly unclick the mute icon. Nope, not for Walter.
This topic is enough to make me want to schedule an in-person meeting just so I can body slam Travis from accounting who still can’t “get his camera to work.” It works just fine, Travis! I know it does. It’s not me, it’s you. So, before you get called into HR for venting your frustrations to a coworker over Zoom, who is still on mute, check out my list of the 3 worst video conference coworkers:
In a previous Modern Manners Guy episode called, 3 Tips For Re-Learning Office Etiquette: Post-Pandemic Edition, I touched on the key aspects of returning to the office with class. One topic I covered was how people confused the casualness of their at-home office with their in-work office. A specific area of debate that still haunts my dreams is people insisting on bringing various foods into meetings. Apparently, on video calls, some people still think it’s proper to chow down on a turkey club or slurp up some Lucky Charms. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big foodie. In fact, my brand new pants—with a larger waistline—will support my claim, so I’m never going to knock someone’s unique pallete… until I can actually see a close-up of their midday snack being thrown down their throats like a pelican enjoying a freshly caught herring. Like I said, I’m all for a good meal, but there’s a time and place for everything and regardless of where you are, eating on camera (unless it’s with your office bestie on a private chat) is not only improper but it’s unsophisticated and nauseating. Still, the Conference Call Chef has no problem resembling a baby eating Spaghetti O’s for the first time.
As someone who has spent a large majority of their work life working from home, I am used to hopping over to my kitchen and grabbing a bite to eat at my leisure. However, the one time I will never have food with me is during a video call. Why is that? Well, aside from being an adult who can wait out an hour meeting before chowing down on my chopped salad, I am also aware that not everyone cares to watch me eat. Being Modern Manners Guy, I’ve made a career out of observing rude people and highlighting their conduct for my listeners, so I like to think I’m onto something when I say that not everyone has the best dining etiquette. To that point, even if you’re the world’s greatest ASMR streamer (which, I’ll be honest, I still don’t get), no one wants to see you eat on camera. Yet, sadly some people like The Conference Call Chef still insist on making the weekly team meeting their personal backyard barbeque.
To that person, I have three words for you: PLEASE STOP IT! It’s a bad look on anyone. Plus, you’re at a meeting for a reason, so why should you be eating when you’re likely going to be speaking or at least have to chime in on a topic at any time? Folks, there are no two ways about it—eating while on a video call is a turn-off. The only acceptable item to munch on during a video call is a drink. And if you do decide to have a coffee or water during a call, do not slurp it as if you’re mouth has been glued shut except for a tiny opening the size of a pencil eraser. Don’t get me started on the slurping.
Can you imagine the initial meeting at Zoom’s headquarters when they were brainstorming the idea of virtual backgrounds? I don’t know what it was actually like but I’m pretty sure their market research was spent walking around a college campus surveying a bunch of drunk kids leaving a frat party at 2 AM.
“You should make a background where I’m floating in space. Like the moon!”
“Dude, make it like I’m in a fish bowl with, like, fish floating all around me.”
“Bro, it would be siiiiiick if I was in a fighter pilot’s seat or like hanging in the Millennium Falcon, like Skywalker!”
“Wait, I got it, I got it, what about it’s me but now there’s two of me on the screen—no, no, no four of me on the screen and then make me look like that Warhol dude’s paintings, where I’m, like, different colors and stuff.”
Again, I wasn’t there, but that’s my best guess. But all of those are better than what the Background Bandit displays—by choice, mind you. The Background Bandit reveals a little too much about their personality. For example, Ron, who has a beer poster of a woman in a bikini mounted on his wall right next to his son’s tee-ball trophy, clearly in view on screen. Or we have Fiona who likes to promote a certain political candidate on the walls of her office so proudly that you would think she was attending said candidate’s rally rather than a quarterly budget update meeting. Look folks, I’m all about “being yourself” and by no means will tell someone how to decorate their home office but have some decorum will ya?
If the hilarious and viral Room Rater account taught us anything about video calls, it’s that everyone is being judged on their at-home work environment. I’ve had multiple Background Bandits pop on screen in meetings and watched the eyes of others on the call widen at the Bandit’s grand entrance… from a swamp, for example. Like I said, as someone who has worked from home for over a decade, I’m well aware that the comfort of working from home can be taken away if the entire team misuses its benefits. With that, one thing that really irks management is when it looks like the employees aren’t taking work as seriously as they would if they were in the office—the way they dress, note taking, and someone’s overall presentation. Just because you get to dial in from home it’s always proper (let alone professional) to represent yourself the way you would in the office.
I’m not trying to mock someone for their “Keep Calm and Pickle Ball On” poster next to their “Chicks Dig A Dad Bod” sign on their walls but you need to think like a mullet. Yes, I mean the legendary ‘80s haircut (that unfortunately is making a comeback); business in the front and party in the back. So, in this case, when it comes to your home office, keep the business front and center and keep the party way, way, waaaay in the back.
During the pandemic, we all had to learn how to work remotely while keeping up with our office obligations. One of the biggest hurdles was handling Zoom and other video conference applications, which became not only the standard but the only way to connect with your colleagues. With that, it wasn’t exactly a breeze for everyone at first since prior to the Zoom craze of 2020, most people looked at it as a novelty or “nice to have.” Sure, the more tech-savvy employees managed to get over this speedbump without a problem, but many others couldn’t quite get the hang of it. That person I like to call the Not-So-Techy Colleague, who despite going on years of video conferencing and repeated tutorials, still can’t get the hang of it. When this person eventually pops on screen, we all know it’s going to be a five-minute time-suck of having to walk them through the simple steps of a video conference.
“Can you see me? Okay, what about now? No? Hmm, interesting… I could have sworn I upgraded the software. Wait, no, I have to download the latest version of Chrome first and then Zoom. Ugh, I have to clear my cache too? Yikes. Can we reschedule for later today?”
No. The answer is no, we cannot keep waiting for you. To top it all off, when the Not-So-Techy Colleague does finally get on, it’s like watching a silent movie with no subtitles as they once again can’t figure out the mute button. Folks, how much longer do we all need to get with the program that video conferencing is the new normal? When I come across the Not-So-Techy Coworker, I want to feel bad for them, but I also find it to be a tremendous interference with the flow of a meeting—even before it starts. No one wants to be in any meeting longer than they have to, yet the Not-So-Techy Coworker has already derailed the meeting before it even started. Now, imagine if this meeting was about a massive reorg, letting people go, or another negative topic people wish would rather be like ripping off a band-aid? Thanks to the Not-So-Techy, we’re all on edge having to delay the inevitable bad news.
There’s two ways to properly manage and assist the Not-So-Techy: if you work with this person or if you are this person. Don’t lie to yourself if you are… I mean, we’re all rolling our eyes at you but please, it’s out of love and love only. If the Not-So-Techy person in your office is becoming too much of a distraction, I recommend offering them another solution like just joining by audio only, which involves simply pressing the link in the invite. That’s all! You don’t need to be the second coming of Steve Jobs to master clicking a link. Another way to work with the Not-So-Techy is to ask them to join at least five minutes earlier and have someone be their official “Zoom buddy” to make sure they’re ready. Now, if you are the Not-So-Techy, I highly recommend you carve out a good hour to watch every single YouTube help video known to man about video conferencing. You don’t have to become a master but at the very least make yourself extremely comfortable as if it’s second nature.
In the end, it’s like the old saying about starting your career—you just want to get your foot in the door. However, for the Not-So-Techy, if you can’t even find the room at all, then people will likely not include you when it really matters most.
Thanks for joining me these last few months as I dug into all of your office pet peeves. Modern Manners Guy is taking a short break, but I’ll be back soon with brand new rude, unpleasant, and awful people to fill your ears soon!