In this episode, I’ll highlight some of the monumentally inappropriate Uber passengers that make navigating the busy streets even more difficult.
You would think the checks and balances system of Uber would keep both driver and passenger on their best behaviors during the ride, yet sadly, not all trips are five-star worthy.
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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When I first discovered Uber, I was shocked that random people would allow complete strangers to drive them around without a care in the world. I mean, on paper, this goes against everything we’ve been taught about getting into cars with strangers as a kid. It’s like, “Remember, sweetie, don’t talk to strangers… unless they can drive you to the party.” Yet, the convenience factor of Uber has made chumming it up with randos in an unfamiliar car a completely normal occurrence. You would think Uber’s star rating model—essentially a checks and balances system—would keep both driver and passenger on their best behaviors during the ride, yet sadly, not all trips are five-star worthy. Sometimes, a rude passenger can take the whole “we’re all in this together” outlook of Uber off-roading into a bizarro-land of unmannerly behavior.
In this episode, I’ll highlight some of the monumentally inappropriate Uber passengers that make navigating the busy streets even more difficult. So, before you bring your personal baggage into an Uber, check out my list of 3 of the rudest Uber passengers.
Let’s kick this episode off with the low-hanging fruit: the Party People. You know I’m never a fan of adults turning into frat bros after hearing the phrase “open bar.” Keep in mind, I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum—we all drink a bit too much on occasion—but no one wants to test their limits to the point of bodily fluids erupting at will. Unfortunately—or fortunately—my body can only handle so much liquid of anything, but that’s not to say I don’t enjoy having a good time, and to that point, I’ve learned to appreciate my limitations. Nothing eases my conscience more than when I can rely on an Uber—at any time—to safely deliver me home.
Still, whether you drink like you’re an opening act for Oasis or just enjoy a casual beer with friends, when you step into an Uber, you can’t let the booze do the talking. Whether the Party People consist of just one smashed person or a crew of few, their actions will result in an Uber rating with fewer stars than the 2019 movie Cats (well, except for Taylor Swift because she literally can do no wrong in my book). There’s a difference between being a little tipsy so you need an Uber and someone who uses Uber as their go-to party bus… and receptacle. To the Party Peoples out there, you’re not only ruining it for all of us but you’re a colossal loser in the game of karma.
One ridiculous argument I heard about being an Uber passenger is that the driver “knew what they were signing up for” which couldn’t be any further from the truth. No, no, they did not. In fact, that’s the opposite of what an Uber expected when they signed up. Do you think an Uber driver was like, “What job can I get that will allow me to trash my only means of transportation?” That’s like saying a pedicab driver “shouldn’t be upset” if their passenger slashes the tires on their bike because, “oh well, just a hazard of the job.” Also, don’t act like you can’t control yourself from puking your guts out in a car, either. You know very well that you’re likely going to be sick (which is fine, since it helps to get the demons out) but at least have the courtesy to ask, yell, shout, or demand to pull over. TRUST ME, the Uber driver will appreciate it.
If you are going to use Uber as your designated driver, it’s irresponsible to act out because you’re so wasted and, according to Uber, you’ll have much more on your hands than a hangover the next day. For example, spilled drinks by passengers result in a $20 fine. Vomiting, both in or on an Uber driver’s car, will set you back between $40 and $80. Their last fine really separates the true jerks over the rest, since your childish behavior will set you back $150 due to “significant amounts of blood, urine, or vomit” which damages the car’s interior. Oh, not to mention you’ll likely never be able to use a ride-share service again. But hey, I hope the night was worth it.
In a previous episode, The 3 Worst Road Trip Passengers, I touched on how driving with a Wizard of Waze believes their way is the only way to get from Point A to Point B. Unfortunately for the self-proclaimed Expert, their advice usually lands you somewhere around Point D and E, nowhere on your original itinerary. Similar to the unsolicited advice from the Expert, the Road Warrior also believes they only know best… yet with a little more passion. Keep in mind, if you are this type of person in any way, the Uber driver is already pressing the one star on your profile with every beat of your rant.
When thinking about the highly aggressive Road Warrior, they’ll often challenge the Uber driver sternly like, “You’re really going to take that street?!? It’s going to be packed!” Or, “I really need you to hurry up because I’m going to be late!” Another rage-worthy outburst from the Road Warrior is when they threaten the Uber driver with a poor rating if the Road Warrior’s outlandish demands of time-warping through ten blocks as if it was two could ever make sense. Mind you, Uber has NO intention of keeping any driver in their car longer than they have to, so to fire back at an Uber driver with your opinions of their service is nonsensical. The Uber driver is using Waze or Google Maps to find their destination (which is tied into the Uber app), so it’s not like they are purposely trying to delay anyone. Still, the Road Warrior must argue until they’re blue in the face.
However obnoxious the aggressive Road Warrior may be, nothing is ruder than a passive-aggressive Road Warrior who can’t control their opinions, yet brush it off as making a joke. It’s only a “joke” to you and you’re only saying that because someone called you out on it. The passive-aggressive Road Warrior is someone who decides to make life for an Uber driver insufferable by uttering just slightly louder under their breath so the driver will notice. Something like, “You really think taking Second Avenue this time of day will be a good idea? Sure go ahead, it’s just me spending more money.” The passive-aggressive Road Warrior will dish out a few more digs before their destination and once again, the Uber driver will do their best—and rightfully so—to ensure no one picks up said Road Warrior again.
When you’re in an Uber, understand that the only thing a driver has control over is the temperature and the tunes (both of which they’ll happily let you control). They’re not using the moon to navigate the road and want you to be happy which means get to your spot as fast as possible. Nagging an Uber driver—loudly or passively—will only make you look incredibly entitled and out of touch and as you guessed it, will land you in one-star rating territory.
In a previous episode, I talked about how people constantly use their cell phones on speaker when in public, which is not only rude to everyone around you but just doesn’t make any sense! It’s not like you have an extra free hand like you would with AirPods or headphones. Still, the loud talker begs for attention, and for the life of me, I don’t know what type of response they’re pursuing other than negative. A similar nature of attention-mongering comes with the Angry Caller who enters an Uber already red hot from a current conversation and takes their personal matters—which should only be for their ears—to the masses.
Let me be clear, I by no means am saying you should stop all phone conversations when you step into an Uber. We all have lives and the reason why we’re using an Uber is to facilitate an unenjoyable part of our day, such as travel. Also, you don’t owe the Uber driver your full attention, nor do they want it. However, I will say that the proper thing to do—even if you’re on a call—is to greet the driver and smile. Again, you don’t have to exchange your favorite colors or make small talk but don’t avoid your driver. I’m also not saying you need to cut off all calls like you’re walking into a wedding hall or sitting in a movie theater, but a little decorum goes a long way. To sit on your phone cursing someone out on the other line, shouting to the top of your lungs, and huffing and puffing like a mad dragon is not a way to conduct yourself during an Uber ride. If anything, you’re making the ride even worse because the driver is trying to concentrate on the road while you’re ripping someone a new one about a loss business deal.
Even if the person you are talking to was the love of your life and dumped you right before you sat down, this ride is not your sounding board. The Uber driver is not your therapist and the last thing they want is to have you crying your eyes out in the back of their seat as you curse at the world. I know calls get emotional, but it’s rude to unload enough baggage on a phone call that would make Dr. Phil call his casting director.
Remember, the Uber driver is rating you and if you think they won’t take into consideration that you went on a ten-mile curse-filled rant into their star decision, you’re sadly mistaken. Do us all a favor and stick to ranting over text for the duration of your ride.