So, before you make awkward eye contact with a cashier watching your every move, while you fill out the tip amount on a receipt, here are my three tips for tipping (sorry, couldn’t help myself).
Debating on whether you should tip or how much to tip is something that will be argued until the end of time… or until the end of this episode because I’m here to settle the dispute once and for all. Properly, mind you.
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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On my Mount Rushmore of etiquette topics, tipping is right up there with the other forefathers of manners—dining, relationships/family, and work (which includes how to kick out your freeloading cousin who has been couch crashing, rent free, for the past six months). From take-out to sit-in dining, from coffee shops to deliveries, and every establishment in between, making sure you properly tip can be an unsettling situation. Also, it’s not only how much you should tip but whether you even have to tip. In both situations, my mannerly friends, I want to make sure that you can leave a tipping situation with your head held high and guilt-free.
So, before you make awkward eye contact with a cashier watching your every move, while you fill out the tip amount on a receipt, here are my three tips for tipping (sorry, couldn’t help myself). A quick side note: part two of my tipping etiquette series will deal with such issues as business meetings, tipping when you split the check, and tipping on restaurant service.
Hands down the most asked question I receive about tipping is regarding take-out. Interestingly enough, tipping on take-out had a bit of a renaissance during COVID, with stores (of all types) only allowed to offer take-out/delivery as a means for service. During that time, I was always conscious of tipping because it was for the good of their business, which meant even better for the community. I even amped it up a little because I knew we were all in this together. However, as things began to return to normal, I felt like the over-tipping craze of the pandemic seemed to become the norm. I wasn’t alone in this feeling either. Case in point, the young cashier at one of my favorite places handed me my meal which was already next to her. She didn’t prepare it or pack it but simply moved her arm to the right and back to me. When the receipt came, I crossed out the tip section, then left $2 in the tip jar by the register. Granted this was less than the normal 20% I pay at restaurants but tipping is about service... not about guilt. She rolled her eyes at my tip as I took my food. Nothing like service with a smile, am I right?
Let me state that I am ALL for tipping; I have worked in several establishments where tipping was the majority of my pay, so don’t come at me with a lecture. As an etiquette expert though, it’s my role to be honest and transparent on what is and is not acceptable during interactions. So, tipping 20% for doing the only job you must to complete a transaction is hardly necessary. Thinking I should have paid more is the real rude concept here. When it comes to an act of tipping—begrudgingly or not—said tip should be for the service provided. Servers earn their tip and must live on that as their largest form of income, so the work warrants a measure of payment. Now, if a takeout person is hustling from table to table, doing three or four different roles in one (with a smile mind you), then that person deserves a proper tip. I am a firm believer that a little goes a long way and it’s enough to meet the proper quota of tipping on takeout. Don’t get intimidated by an eye roll and feel bullied into emptying your pockets for getting a soda at checkout.
A Real Life Takeout Tipping Example: A large pizza, soda, and fries comes out to $28.03. No extreme service was required. He kept the change on $30.
The delivery service role is one of my favorites, simply due to the fact I know, that they know, they are praying they don’t drop anything on my doorstep. That fear and determination to deliver your pizza without the cheese sliding on one side, or your hot meal stone cold, is enough to make anyone want to get a job right. I was a delivery driver in high school and college and I speak from experience about that stress. Walking up five flights of a college apartment building with floors covered in stale beer felt like I was on an episode of American Ninja Warrior. Let’s not forget the driving either. I drove so slow, you would have thought I was carrying plutonium and not chicken parmesan. People would honk at me for going so slow but I didn’t care. “That’s right, honk all you want—I’m on a mission!” Taking into account the precision of a delivery driver, and the repercussions if the food isn’t delivered in the manner as promised, that service should warrant a certain level of tip. You should be picky about this too. I mean, should you feel obligated to tip well to someone who treats your pizza like middle schooler carrying their history book or was 30 minutes over the time? Nope, not at all.
When it comes to tipping on delivery, I’ve come up with to handy equation to calculate a proper tip: Distance + Service + Condition = $X. For example, if someone has to drive in bad weather (rain, sleet, snow) then they should be treated for their commitment. On the other hand, if the delivery service is an easy walk down the block or two mile drive on a sunny day, there isn’t much elbow grease going into that. When it comes to service, how did they greet you? Did they go over what is being delivered so you don’t have to call back? These are key factors. Lastly, are you satisfied with the condition it arrived to you—in one piece, hot or cold (depending on the meal), and with the proper condiments? After all, you’re paying for a service of delivery. If you couldn’t wait to rip into your delicious enchiladas but when it arrives it looks like two raccoons got to it first, then we have a problem. It’s improper to feel obligated to tip on poor service and you should be able to eat those enchiladas guilt-free. Well, unless you’re on a diet like me and have about seven cheat meals a week.
A Real Life Delivery Tipping Example: A large pizza, fries, grilled cheese, and chicken fingers was delivered to me from a place that is 1.85 miles from my house. He read the order over to me, and rechecked the pizza box. Bravo! I gave $3 on top of the leftover change.
I’ve saved the best for last, folks. Tipping at coffee shops has stirred up quite a bit of discussion online and in line. A recent NBC News article by Corey Mintz, author of “The Next Supper: The End of Restaurants as We Knew Them, and What Comes After,” talks about how Starbucks’ credit card tipping prompt has created a world of unfortunate debate. For example, the second you check out, you’re prompted for a tip through the app or at the time of purchase with a credit card. I don’t want to put all the blame solely on Starbucks, because this new “must tip” culture in the coffee world is stirring up controversy for the baristas who are feeling the majority of the heat. If you don’t have an app option, a lot of coffee shops use the same POS system, with the iPad that gets flipped to you where you can choose your tip that is already optioned out for you. Talk about pressure? You’re staring down someone who you will likely interact with again. “If I do 10% am I too cheap? If I do 25% are they expecting that every time?” and on and on. This “flip and tip” system (as I call it) is the worst of the worst, in my opinion, and puts everyone in an uncomfortable position.
On a side note: When you pay in cash, they never ask for a tip, which defeats the whole purpose of the forced tipping anyway.
There are two styles of coffee service—someone makes a fancy latte that looks like they’re working harder than Walter White in a lab or simply pouring black coffee into a cup. I prefer the latter as my go-to daily cup of Joe. On a normal day, let’s say an average cup is $3 plus tax. Doing the math, if I did 10%, I’m looking at 30 cents, and 20% is 60 cents. Based off normal service tipping, is that a proper amount enough for the person who poured my coffee? If it’s $3.30 with tax, am I supposed to let them keep the change? Tipping with something like coffee, where the cost of the item in question isn’t very high, you should not feel obligated to match that of a sit-in restaurant. If I tip $1 on a $3 cup of coffee, who should be the one feeling uneasy? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not you! You just tipped someone a third of your item.
The proper tip for a coffee is to let them keep the change or drop something in the jar from your pocket that you feel comfortable. I do that over having to stress out on the iPad. I always keep change in my pocket when I know I’m going to a coffee shop to grab a coffee and go to add as a tip. Again, it’s about service and the cost of the item. Then again, if you make the foam in my latte look like a dog, then you can just take my wallet. All of it. It’s yours!
A Real Life Coffee Tipping Example: I go to the same roadside spot three times a week and my coffee comes to $3.42 and I leave $4, so they keep the change. Never had a bad eye look my way.
As I mentioned, stay tuned for part two of my tipping series, which will deal with many of the business related topics when it comes to tipping.