Yes, sadly there are sports parents across the country who will shout at referees during a nine-year-old’s baseball game to the point where you think they will owe money to a shady bookie if their kid strikes out.
You know what they say about kids’ sports; it’s all fun and games… until an incredibly rude parent gets kicked off the sideline after telling the referee where said parent would like to shove the soccer ball.
Modern Manners Guy is hosted by Richie Frieman. A transcript is available at Simplecast.
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I’ve played sports my entire life and some of my fondest memories about childhood involve being part of a team, competing, and even traveling for games. As a parent of a fifteen and eleven-year-old who have been playing sports since they could walk, I can see how being a well-rounded athlete has taught them some invaluable lessons. So, even though age and my ever-evolving dad bod have sidelined me from my competitive days, I’ve taken on the dedicated commitment of a proud sports parent.
In my tenure as a sports parent, I’ve witnessed the wild ride of emotions in youth sports—the agony of defeat, the sweet taste of victory, and enough tears to fill an ice bath. Oh, but I’m not talking about the athletes—I’m referring to the insanely rude sports parents. Yes, sadly there are sports parents across the country who will shout at referees during a nine-year-old’s baseball game to the point where you think they will owe money to a shady bookie if their kid strikes out.
So, before you end up watching your child’s proudest moment from your car because the referee thinks you need a time out, check out my list of 7 of the Rudest Sports Parents – Part 1. Yes, part one because one episode is not enough to mock these unmannerly clowns masquerading as parents.
Of all the rude sports parents on this list, the one I most resemble is the “My Kid’s Going Pro Parent”… but not because I actually think that. I say that with the pain of realizing all the amazing things I could have and could do with the money I’ve spent over the years on my kids’ sports programs, to the point you would think I am like one of the nut job parents. But while emptying my wallet for my kids’ athletic adventures is what I signed up for, I’m not asking for anything other than family bonding. Whereas psychos like the My Kid’s Going Pro Parents await a holiday card from their child saying that child paid off the family’s mortgage with their seven-figure signing bonus in the pros.
Between the cost of joining a youth sports program, the uniforms, the equipment, the travel (my God the travel!), the My Kid’s Going Pro Parent treats this as an investment in their future and not the child’s. The intensity of these sports has turned a regular accountant by day into an after-hours sports agent, looking for the best deals they can find for their client—err, I mean, their child. If you think I’m kidding, I highly recommend asking any parent of a youth sports travel team how they envision their child’s future. Just try not to laugh too hard when they say with concrete certainty that their kid “has it.”
Having to deal with the My Kid’s Going Pro parent as a sports parent is one thing, but I even come across this persona in my professional life as CEO of a sports marketing company called Brand U Sports. For a living, I help college athletes get sponsorships with big brands and as a professional, I can assure anyone listening that the top 1% of high school athletes have a good college career, 1% of that group makes it to a professional level, and only 1% of that group gets to have even a decent pro career. So, let’s all be clear that the My Kid’s Going Pro Parent is rather delusional to think their child will be drafted in middle school. Still, the odds don’t scare the My Kid’s Going Pro parents because they make sure everyone around them knows their child is destined for greatness.
My Kid’s Going Pro parents spend practices and games chirping at the coaches, making insufferable claims of grandeur about little Timmy or Tammy that make me want to yell “water break” just so I can get a rest from them. In fact, I saw one parent of a ten-year-old bring a trainer to her lacrosse game to analyze her plays after the game. I’m talking iPad recording, note taking, the whole nine yards of throwing money down the drain. And then you get the parents who will brag about the different classes, training camps, showcases, etc. that only their kid was invited to. You know, because they’re so much better than your kid.
Here are a few of the very real pompous statements I’ve heard firsthand by My Kid’s Going Pro parents:
There are many, many, many things that bother me about the My Kid’s Going Pro Parent, from the pure arrogance to the tremendous amount of stress they place on their kids. Not only is this horrible excuse for a sports parent missing the mark on what matters in sports, they are trying to make their child the designated alpha from an early age and compete in a contest that no one else is aware they’re playing.
When dealing with this level of parent, I treat this the same way you would treat someone who likes to brag about how much money or connections they have—act like you don’t care. After all, nothing drives a braggart madder than someone not being impressed. This type of parent needs your validation to continue their mission and by not engaging it takes their ego down a notch. With this technique, I’m not saying to be rude and call them out on it, but rather nod, smile, and give flat-toned answers such as, “Cool… Nice… Okay…” Believe me, you’re not alone in having to tolerate them but that doesn’t mean you—as a proper adult—should take it upon yourself to shove it in their face. The My Kid’s Going Pro parent will likely search for another parent to prey on. In all seriousness, I’ve known friends who had the My Kid’s Going Pro parent growing up and every time it resulted in that kid hating their sport and despising their parents’ attitude. Oh, and none of those kids ever went pro.
Play ball!
Whenever I hear statements like, “Back in my day...” at a kid’s sporting event, I know nothing of substance will follow. Unless the parent saying that once graced the cover of Sports Illustrated, their teenage fame does not give bragging rights today. Don’t get me wrong, one of the best things about watching my kids play sports is that I know how much it taught me over the years, and I hope they pick up those same qualities. Also, when you’re sitting on the sidelines for several hours a week (as I do), it’s way more fun to talk with someone who had the same awesome experiences growing up playing that sport. In fact, I’ll go a step further to say parents who played the sports their child does now—or at least have a working knowledge of it—makes for a better all-around athlete because they can practice with their child for fun. Yet, it’s one thing to joke around with fellow parents about way back when and another to act like you still got it.
In athletic fields and gymnasiums across the globe, the Once Great parent walks the grounds like a Hollywood has-been, hoping they’ll be noticed from an After School Special they guest starred on in 1986. The Once Great parent talks like a varsity letterman, marking their territory with statements like, “That was a good goal... but not as good as the one I scored against Lincoln High my senior year.” Or, they’ll spew some random regional-centric stat about their own past like, “I remember when I had to play both offense and defense in my junior year. I still hold the East Georgia Region record for the most time on the field out of any left-handed receiver in a year… Gosh, feels like yesterday I was going long for six.”
Ironically, the Once Great parent isn’t necessarily a bad person per se, just an unnecessary distraction from the enjoyment of the game for parents, spectators, and the kids. Like the My Kid’s Going Pro parent who pushes nothing but greatness onto their child, the Once Great parent believes that their way is the best—you know, since they did it so well thirty years ago. This conviction of self-worth will also put added stress on the kids because all kids look up to adults, let alone a parent who is in their elementary school hall of fame. Plus, what kid doesn’t like to hear a fantastically embellished story about some out-of-shape parent who looks like they haven’t done anything remotely sports-related other than watch college basketball on their couch?
Like the My Kid’s Going Pro, the Once Great parent is blind to the image they continue to portray, so when this happens the proper thing to do is call their bluff. Again, I’m not asking you to pick a fight but a little dose of reality is the only way to stop this rude parent from infecting the ears of the kids. Something like, “You should go tell the coach your ideas… like when you were younger. They may like them?” Or, “Have you thought about going on the field and showing the kids a thing or two? I’m sure they’d love to see your tips in action.”
With this nonchalant approach to challenging their stupidity, the hope is that they will feel the pressure of the bright lights and that the decades-long absence of physical activity should knock some sense into them. With being a fellow sports parent, you’re not going to escape having to see the Once Great parent from time to time, so if you are going to get an earful of the good ol’ days, the least you can do is have some fun with it. Plus, the more you challenge them on their claims to fame, the more they’ll think about offering outdated advice.
With the My Kid’s Going Pro Parent and the Once Great Parent, you are dealing with egos that tend to be for their own gratification. I mean, they’re both completely out of their minds but both of those personas tend to stick to bragging rather than being hostile to anyone. The Sideline Coach parent, however, is a whole other breed of improper parenting that makes other awful personas pale in comparison. To get further into this obnoxious sports parent, I asked a friend of mine who has been a softball coach for fifteen years and coached their daughter’s very legit travel softball team for five years. Not only does she coach, she played her entire life, went to a competitive D1 school for softball, and even plays in an adult league to this day. So, in the end, she knows softball inside and out.
To quote her, “The loud sports parents don’t realize that we can hear everything on the field. Just because we don’t respond doesn’t mean we can’t hear their shouting and complaining and bickering about bad calls. And in all my years of coaching not once has an umpire overturned a call—they made, mind you—because some bossy parent screamed at them. Never. And they never will either.”
I love this statement because it’s so true. And can you imagine if that did happen? Like suddenly, the umpire calls a time-out, turns to the sideline with a big smile, and says, “Hey, you who just shouted, that ‘if I had another eye I’d be a cyclops’, you’re so right! I’m going to reverse that call. And any other parents that want to make suggestions too, I’m here all game.” There would be anarchy! Chaos in the streets, I tell you!
However, the Sideline Coach parent’s behavior isn’t only irritating but it causes a tremendous amount of tension on the players, the coaches, and the parents. It also undermines the coaches who are here to teach the kids and keep them under control. If the Sideline Coach parent is barking at every call as if their opinion is right, what do you think the kids will do? In fact, I’ve seen multiple fights between opposing parents who argue over calls or complain about the referees. And if fighting at a youth sports event isn’t bad enough, just think about the image you’re presenting to your kids. Apparently, it’s okay to stomp your feet, beat your chest, and shout expletives like you’re doing some standup comedy in front of a bunch of drunk college kids. Sideline Coach Parent, hear me out: “NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK!”
When dealing with the improper behavior of the Sideline Coach parent, this is a job for the coach to handle, simply due to the nature of the behavior. Only the coach has the authority and veto power to kick anyone out and I’ve seen it done (and silently cheered). When a Sideline Coach parent is kicked out or silenced it completely demeans their rude behavior and teaches everyone around them a clear-cut lesson about what is not being welcomed in sports. If you think it’s getting too out of control, it’s perfectly okay to pull the coach aside in private, send them an email, or even personal text. The coach should never share conversations, so use that curtain of trust to your favor when expressing your opinion. I guarantee the coach will not want a negative environment affecting their players, so they’ll act on it ASAP.
With any one of these parents, the only response they’re looking for is admiration and self-preservation of their fragile egos, but don’t allow their improper claims to cloud the enjoyment of the game. To all the parents out there who can’t handle simply sitting down, cheering on your child, and respecting the etiquette of good sportsmanship, we don’t need you. You take your ball and go home.